Not sure of a good title for this entry ...

Let's start with a recap of last week...

M - Off

T - 2:05 run in the heat

W - Off

T - 2:15 ride (42 miles), 4000m swim (1:07)

F - Off

S - 2:05 run w/ 4x3miles R: 4 min walk

S - 30 min swim then 4:50 on the bike (90 miles)
~13 hours total

1. 
   I'm in trouble I think. Ironman is 27 days away. For months now, I'm been envisioning my perfect race....but I'm not seeing the numbers, paces, and efforts I need to be seeing to have the race I've been dreaming of. The good news is that I've had a great year so far. I've had PRs at 2 Olympic distances races. I haven't been this fit for an ironman ever. The bad news, well, not bad, but un-nerving thing is that I've never been this fit for an ironman before. I don't know what's going to happen and I'm not ok with that. I know this probably it's making a whole lot of sense. I'm pretty sure this is just my ego and fear messing with my head.
   My biggest fear is that I fall apart, physically and mentally and have to shuffle home. I've been trying to figure out why that's a fear. I mean really, just finishing an ironman is a pretty big accomplishment. I think this fear is a sign that I'm still racing my ego. Still racing the part of me that thinks if I don't do this, finish in this time, or place, than I'm not a good triathlete. It sounds so silly when I write it down and read it. But there is is...my value and self worth as a person is still tied to my race performance.
   So....now what? What can I do to get away from this feeling, from this pressure? I'm pretty sure I know what will happen if I try to race for a specific finish time....I'm pretty sure, I'll ride too hard, not eat right and then explode on the run...well, probably just let out a little pop and then fizzle on the run. :) The only thing I can think of is to set race day goals that do not include paces and splits. Here's what I'm thinking right now, these are sure to change some as the race gets closer:
   Race with class and dignity (borrowed from CraigH http://howieenduranceproject.com/ )
2. Finish at all costs, even if this means walking it in at mid-night.
3. Control the things I can control, let the rest go.
4. Swim relaxed, long smooth strokes, I will get hit and bumped, don't let this upset me, it's just part of the game. Find some good feet and glide my way around the course.
5. Bike smart. Fuel, nutrition and hydration and pacing. Take the first two hours free. Coast the downhills, easy on the ups and work the crests...then coast again. I'm going to be passed by a TON of people here. I need to let them go. And have faith that I'll see most of them again on the run. Ride conservative and humble.
6. Run tough. Take the first 10k at a jog. Get past the hills and long the lake, settle in here and stay on top of the nutrition and hydration. Take salt tabs along. Get to mile 18...then focus, HTFU, and run it in.

I'll write out my nutrition plan in more detail shortly. I'm pretty close, this past Sunday's ride went ok in that respect.

Kia Kaha